I like to consider being a woman an art. Many have their assumptions, beliefs, and reservations about this art. You hear people make statements such as ‘she is a tom boy, she thinks like a man, and she is not lady like’. Is lady like when we act like the queen of England; showing hardly any emotion and sit upright with crossed legs at all times?

I wonder! This art in question is something I presume every woman was designed to be by God the creator. However, when one is born into the world, the cultural beliefs and societal expectations play a huge role on how a woman eventually acts and react. This is just a background. Let me share something quite personal. Many of my friends say I love like a man and I always marvelled why because I may not be the girl in pink with a pink car but I definitely dress like a lady, and wear my red lip stick or pink lip gloss which I seldom do without. The irony is when I relate with my male friends most consider me very lady like. This dilemma leaves me wondering if I have a split personality. Perhaps I possess chameleon-like skills that help me relate to different spheres of people and display a personality as required… I wonder!

During a conversation with a male friend a few months ago, he was apparently impressed by my analysis of how a woman should act and encouraged me to write this article. I have delayed because I felt intimidated by the task. I wondered what my female friends will make of this. Adaeze’s favourite colour is black. What do I know about being a woman? In fact, it was only about 3 years ago I recovered from being a tom boy by clothing choice, chose to be more generous with cleavages, and explore more make-ups. After intense long battles I chose to put my fingers to work.  I am a Christian and never ashamed to admit it. I love identifying myself with someone as sovereign and as loving as the God I know and still getting to know. Hence everything I share will be centred on what I have learnt as a Christian and of course, my personal confusions and transition as I learnt about this beautiful art. The next few lines are simply my thoughts about the art of being a woman. You can choose to agree or disagree.

Woman & Wife: The Origin….

When we think of a woman, the next sets of words that may eventually come to mind are lady, female, wife, and feminine. These are different words that stand for different things. Interestingly, the first woman mentioned in the bible was created from man and given to Adam as a wife. Her purpose in that marriage was to help Adam. Then I ask myself, what about the single woman, is she incomplete until she meets a man? I have joined to preach the seemingly profound statement made by an anonymous person to the best of my knowledge. That person has implied that everything a woman does, she should  do it in preparation for her Adam so that when he comes she will fit in perfectly being created from his ribs; bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh.

That idea sounds very correct until you meet some single people who seem to be called to singleness as Jesus mentioned in the Bible. I believe some of those people are fulfilled in themselves.  One of the greatest Apostles ever known died a single man, oops even Jesus. Perhaps, God in the form of man wasn’t supposed to have girlfriend or have sex or make babies.  I believe Jesus was fulfilled because he was on earth for a purpose and fulfilled it. That is why people like me can boast that we are who we are by the work of Christ on earth.  When Adam and Eve fell, I found Eve’s curse quite ironical. I always wonder why God chose such a curse.

God told her that she would have increased pain during child bearing and I quote Genesis 3 verse 16: “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labour you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”  So when the songwriter says “I don’t need a man to make me happy”. I think she had a point because if you have been saved from the curse by Christ’s sacrifice then you don’t need to be fulfilled in Adam and he does not have to rule over you.  I would not want to go into much detail because that will be a huge topic on its own.

The new commandment is for husbands to love their wives, love is not ruling but understanding. Our desires are not to be enslaved to our husbands but we should love them too but most importantly submit to their love and authority. Also the curse reflects the sufferings of the ancient woman in society. She had to be married to be fulfilled, she didn’t have to work, and all she needed to do was please a man. She could even be the fifth wife. It didn’t matter so much. The woman did not get the head position at work. It was a taboo to do better than a man. The liberty young girls like me are enjoying today are due to fights many women have fought to prove they are full of worth. Sometimes I wonder why we even had to fight in some instances, if we truly knew who we were, we will just live it instead of seeking approval.

Just Be You….

Try being you. You don’t have to call many guys for attention and seek affirmation for your existence. It may be fine to do it if you have got good men around you, who genuinely love you and would not judge you when you are simply being a woman for example your husband, father, and brother. Nevertheless, we do not need all that to thrive. We are not cursed anymore and have God’s grace too. We do not need to do men friendly jobs to be recognised as strong. In your soft voice encourage the weak and capture the proud to be humble. With your body skilfully honour God and the husband he gives you. With your compassionate and helping heart naturally designed, do reach out to the world. Lastly you do not have that much muscle, leave the heavy things to the men to lift. If you do have muscles, great, use it. What is important is that in all you do, you are a woman and confident in the confines of your calling and role. You are first complete in Christ; that makes the difference.

Are you Ruth, Mary Magdalene, Deborah, or Mary the mother of Jesus?

Finally, it does not matter if you are a certain type of smart Ruth or a strong Deborah or a meek Mary or a woman with an ugly past like Mary Magdalene. What matters is that you are a woman and you are unique in your story and your style. I hope more women will enjoy being women. I am a woman and I am in love with it. I hope to understand more about the art of being a woman and do just that in future.

Adaeze Chukwuka

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